You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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