If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
