I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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