Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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