C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
