Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
