yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
