I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
