last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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