I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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