i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
