just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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