I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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