yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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