You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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