I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
