I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
