All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
