Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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