yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
