had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
