Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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