Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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