I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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