There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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