lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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