rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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