youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A bitchslap is in order.
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