Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she told me i tasted like america
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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