I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
