She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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