so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
