Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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