My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hippo gnu deer
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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