brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
