I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
