How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
