Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
