I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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