summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
