if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
