sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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