My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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