Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
