she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
