Pants 0. Shit 1.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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