Jerry, you need to find god
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
