I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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