when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
