How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
