You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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