hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
