saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
