Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I could make wine with my vomit
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
