Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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