Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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