She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's always time for handjobs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
