i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
